*UPDATE* PLEASE READ
*New Update- Ate sooo much over Thanksgiving and the next weekend at a family Christmas party; this needs to stop- it is unhealthy. However, I went to the doctors and I AM at a healthy weight, 103..I am hoping to maintain this weight, eat healthier again, and get some abs. HELP ME OUT GIRLS!
Alright, here it is. I am struggling right now with my life. I know i have posted many times about being unhappy and needing to maintain and/or gain weight so I decided to make a page out of it. As you all know I started my weight-loss journey in May and have been very successful. This came with eating fewer calories then previous and exercise. I have always worked out but the problem was my over eating and compulsive eating of fatty foods, fried foods, sweets, and soda. I took those out of my diet completely and have never been happier or felt better. Yes, I will have a sampling of a sweet here and there but they don’t even tempt me anymore. I lost a good thirty or so pounds this summer and came back to college weighing about 108. I was VERY worried about weight gain seeing I bought all new clothes and all. I was worried what others were going to say about me. Coming back to school has NOT been easy but I haven’t changed. I get the “anorexic” comments, the “have you GAINED” weight jokes that I think are so rude, and positive reinforcement. Anyways, I am not down to about 99.6 which I am not proud of. I eat throughout the day but the problem is the foods I eat now are so low calorie and I go to the gym about 5 days a week and do a lot of cardio as well as abs and strength training. So, I am still burning way too much and I don’t know what to do. I try to increase what I eat and it doesn’t work because I honestly eat when I am hungry and when I am full I stop. Sometimes, I over-eat or make myself feel sick because I am trying to eat more. With cardio, it’s my time to get away and seeing “5 miles” is such an accomplishment. I DON’T do it to lose weight, I honestly ENJOY it. This is my first step to getting help, this is hard for me…you have no idea. I did not go to the gym yesterday and I am not going today which kills me and makes me so upset because it is the one thing that takes my mind off of life and makes my day better, it always has been. I am in such a bad mood because this is so hard. I am also eating more which makes me feel gross physically because my stomach isn’t big enough. I don’t know how to do this and I know I need to go to counseling or something but this is my first step. I don’t have an “eating disorder” and I never planned on losing so much. I do count calories which I know I need to stop but I don’t do it just for the calories I do it for the sugar and iron levels as well. I hate hate hate hate hate seeing such a high number regarding what I eat to be honest but it’s never like oh I ate 900 calories I need to stop eating for the day. I don’t starve myself or fast, I legit fasted for one day in the end of May and that was it. I’m not sure what I am trying to get across with this post but I need to start recovering somewhere. I am scared to gain weight and not fit into my clothes but I bought these clothes at 115 so I think I should be okay. I have NO boobs what so ever and I just feel week. I strength train as well at the gym so that’s not the issue. If anybody would like to be of help please let me know. This is very serious and important. What was supposed to be a happy time for me is now causing extreme stress, depression, and tears everyday. I talk about this with my roommates and they are so supportive but obviously cannot help me because they are not informed enough. Some of the foods I eat are chicken, fish, scallops, oatmeal, greek yogurt, fruits and veggies, soup, tea, cereal, flax seeds, etc. My grocery list provides a good example. Anyways, I just feel like a counselor can’t help me and is only going to judge. Thank you for reading this, it means a lot. I hope this comes of help to girls or anybody who may experience a similar situation. I NEVER PLANNED TO WEIGH EVEN 105 NEVERMIND 99.6. This is out of control, I am scared. Thanks guy!
up-update- weighed in at 95.4 today. Not happy about it, but feel great. NEED to pack on muscle, especially for the winter months. I do not want to be so skeletal. ah!